The other day we met some friends for lunch. They are a happily married couple who work hard at staying that way.  They recently attended the Art & Science of Love Weekend Workshop, a couples’ retreat taught by Certified Gottman Therapists. My friends said the “six second kiss” was one of the most enlightening things they got out of the weekend.

The six second kiss is a technique used by Gottman trained therapists to help couples feel closer and more connected. Emotional distance is one of the biggest complaints that couples experience over time. Hectic schedules, focus on children and work stress have a tendency to creep into marriages and reduce intimate interactions to just a passing peck on the cheek as one runs out the door.

The six second kiss is a way to communicate caring and your willingness to devote time to the relationship. Kiss when you wake up, when you leave each other, when you return, when you want to express appreciation, when you feel affectionate, when you make up from a disagreement and at bedtime. There are many opportunities throughout the day to work on your intimate connection and a brief kiss is a simple ritual that brings you back to that point very quickly.

My husband and I love the 6 second kiss.  Some kisses are silly. Some are romantic. Some are inconvenient. We agreed to forego a kiss in front of my son’s football team, but decided that we could have a 12 second kiss later in the day. It’s  playful and sweet and it’s a way to feel more connected throughout the day.

We average about six kisses per day. That’s an extra 36 seconds per day, over 4 minutes in a week and 18 minutes per month. That’s an extra 18 minutes we would not have otherwise spent on an intimate connection. It’s a small time investment with a big payoff.

Now go find your partner and pucker up.


Mary Beth George
Mary Beth George is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, Master Trainer for the Gottman Institute and co-owner of Couples Counseling & Psychotherapy Associates. She is an empty nester with a passion for rescue dogs, traveling and spending time with people that make her laugh.