I couldn’t help but belt out Dream On by Aerosmith as we headed out on Date #8 from Eight Dates:  Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of LoveThe topic of conversation for this last date was dreams.

Singing is not my strong suit, but he was very patient as I screeched out the high notes.  I love that he puts up with my silliness.

Why do we need to talk about dreams?

Dreams are important.  Your dreams.  Your partner’s dreams.  And the dreams you have together.  When we allow ourselves to dream together, we share our deepest desires.  It’s love mapping at its best.  

But dreams can get lost along the way in a relationship.  The busyness of work schedule, chores and raising kids can derail us. 

Every time when I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn

It is important that throughout all of that busyness we take time to discuss and keep our dreams alive.  Couples who manage to do this this ask open ended questions about what they want to accomplish in this lifetime. And they follow up with plans to achieve those dreams, even if it is at a snail’s pace.

Honoring our own dreams means we are devoted to self-growth.  Honoring our partners dreams means we are equally invested in our partner’s growth.  It an act of profound love.  Creating dreams together is commitment in action.

The Date

The book suggests that the date location should inspire your dreams, such as a date at dawn or sunset, looking out at the horizon.

Mission accomplished.  The sun is setting quite early this time of year, so we chose a late afternoon date at Eight Row Flint, an upscale Houston icehouse with rare bourbons and food truck tacos. It was the perfect setting to sit outside, feeling both the crisp air and warmth from the tableside heater.

The Conversation

Eight Dates is about exploring open-ended questions with your partner on big topics, such as money, sex, adventure and yes, dreams.  Each chapter has pre-work for partners to complete before the date, so they can start the date conversation on a thoughtful note.

And, as with the other chapters, the questions for Date 8 covered everything from childhood dreams to the more existential “deeper meaning” of one’s dreams.

I learned that my husband had wanted to be a pilot from the time he was a young child, but believed his vision would prevent that.  I knew that he pursued engineering at the urging of a high school teacher, but he never mentioned his childhood dream to me because he believed it was a moot point.

Learning this fact filled in some gaps for me.  He had given up on being a pilot but soon after meeting him that dream reignited.  The stars lined up, the right people showed up and he was finally able to pursue his dream.  

It was the first dream we worked towards as a couple. He subsequently helped me switch careers and create my business.  Taking turns and making sacrifices for one another has strengthened our bond.

Dream on

As we worked through the questions, it was affirming to see how our future dreams aligned.  While we are done with the book, we can hardly wait for the next chapter of our lives to be written.

Dream on

Dream on

Dream on

Dream until your dreams come true

Mary Beth George
Mary Beth George is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, Master Trainer for the Gottman Institute and co-owner of Couples Counseling & Psychotherapy Associates. She is an empty nester with a passion for rescue dogs, traveling and spending time with people that make her laugh.