June 4, 2020

Contempt: The Deadliest of The Four Horsemen

Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse According to John Gottman, there are four destructive patterns of communication that can cause serious damage to a relationship. He calls them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. So far I have covered Criticism, Defensiveness and Stonewalling.  Each of these patterns is capable of […]
June 2, 2020

Accepting Responsibility in Arguments

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:  Defensiveness Continuing on with my series on Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse . . . Defensiveness is when we feel the need to armor up and shield ourself from someone who is attacking us.  It’s a common response but one that can backfire […]
February 14, 2018

Love on the Rocks? How to Handle Valentine’s Day

There’s no avoiding it . . . heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, a sea of red and pink greeting cards, ads for diamond jewelry and tents of roses are assaulting us at every turn. To those newly in love, Valentine’s Day is a day full of sweetness and romance.  For long-term, stable couples it’s usually a […]
August 18, 2014

Is Facebook the Source of Relationship Problems?

The recently published study of Facebook participants and how emotions can spread across social networks caused a big stir.  The researchers called it “emotional contagion”, meaning that our moods are affected by our friend’s posts. That study is the tip of the iceberg on how social media affects us.  As […]
July 2, 2014

Houston, We Have a Problem

This is Houston, say again, please.  Houston, we have a problem . . . our marriage is failing and we need help . . . fast.  Failure is not an option. Forgive my embellishment of these famous movie quotes from Tom Hanks and Ed Harris in Apollo 13, one of my all-time favorite movies.  Having […]
February 7, 2014

Power, Respect and Influence . . . How Does Your Relationship Rate?

We are just a few years short of the century anniversary of the 19th Amendment that gave women the right to vote. Much has changed for women in the last 100 years and that has spilled over into changes in relationship dynamics. For example, in the early 60s men were not […]